The king was grieved, yet out of regard for his oaths and for the guests, he commanded it to be given; 10he sent and had John beheaded in the prison. Matthew 14:9-10.
Peer Pressure is often considered by many as a concern for just the youths and kids. Many parents, guardians put a lot of efforts to ensure that their wards are not affected negatively by it, especially during their schooling days. While such efforts are important and required, we should, however, not lose sight of the fact that peer pressure is applicable to all age groups and can have a positive or negative effect. As we guide our young ones away from negative peer pressures through pieces of advice like: Understanding their own values and beliefs; Having Self-confidence; Choosing friends wisely; Talking to trusted adult; etc.,
Our study today, shall focus mostly on adults and on peer pressures with negative effects.
Peer pressure is when a person feels compelled to act in a certain way because he or she wants to fit in and be accepted by certain people. Put differently it is an influence being exerted by peers on a person to behave in a particular way. The pressure, according to a professor of psychology , Brett Laursen, can be explicit, where there is a direct instruction or criticism from peers or implicit, when a person feels a particular behaviour is what would please the peers and make him or her to belong. Explicit pressures come through: Insults – making a person feel bad for not doing something, so that they eventually will; Reasoning – by giving a person reasons why they should do something; Rejection – pressure by threatening to end a relationship or a friendship. The implicit or unspoken pressure can come by simply seeing all your peers doing something or wearing something and taking such as the norm. Sometimes the pressure that we feel, as young adults and adults, involves superficial things, like dressing a certain way to be considered cool.” Wearing some types of cloths to make us look Sexy or Jazzy – a feeling of we are doing well – or even doing things just because we feel everyone else is doing the same and would make us acceptable in some circles with its attendant benefits.
While of a truth the inclination of many people is a desire to be accepted, chosen, acknowledged or even to be appreciated always by everyone they come across, the reality, however, is that, there is no way we can please everyone or be chosen always. No matter what we do there are going to be people who will criticize or even strive to rubbish us, especially, as we live in this world system that satan rules, striving to please that system or to belong would mean aligning with satan. In 1 John 2:15-17, the apostle writes “15Do not love the world or the things in the world. The love of the Father is not in those who love the world; 16for all that is in the world—the desire of the flesh, the desire of the eyes, the pride in riches—comes not from the Father but from the world. 17And the world and its desire[a] are passing away, but those who do the will of God live forever.”Herod had John the Baptist beheaded in Matthew 14, so that his guests may not look at him as weak and someone who cannot even maintain his vow to his step daughter. Same goes with Pilate in giving the order for Jesus Christ to be crucified. How many times do we take decisions just because it would please our peers and make us acceptable to the group or because we do not want to be taken as weak?
Rehoboam rather than listen to the counsel of experienced advisers that were with his father preferred the advice of his peers (his age group that he grew up together with) and this led to the division of Israel to the Northern and Southern kingdoms (1 Kings 12:1-14, 15-24). Today, many disregard well thought out advice from experienced elders, spiritual fathers, all because they want to please their age grouping – their generation. We want to follow the crowd, our peers, whether it be right or not. In Exodus 23:2 God told the children of Israel, “You shall not follow a majority in wrongdoing; when you bear witness in a lawsuit, you shall not side with the majority so as to pervert justice”.
While peer pressures are realities that we face daily as we live on this planet, what stands us out as Christians is our ability to overcome these pressures through our dependence on the Holy Spirit of God that is in us. As Christians, we are the salt of the world and should thus exert positive pressure on our peers and not the other way round. Though the Bible never uses the words “peer pressure,” but it does tell us how we should deal with the many trials we will face in our lives, especially those involving unbelievers. Romans 12:2 says, “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your minds, so that you may discern what is the will of God – what is good and acceptable and perfect”. Apostle Peter in 1 Peter 4:1-11 highlights four steps we can follow to overcome negative peer pressure:
- Develop a new mind-set of strength and discipline so that we can stay strong in faith, no matter what situation we find ourselves in.
- Make lifestyle choices out of that new mind-set, to live for the rest of your earthly life no longer by human desires but by the will of God”.
- Be motivated by love for others and not by a desire to be popular as Love’ is the very heart of the Gospel and it is what our lives are all about: love for God and love for one another.
- Use the gifts that God has given you to build positive relationships and as we make alternative lifestyle choices and choose not to go with the crowd, resist the peer pressure to do so.
According to one writer, “Peer pressure is largely about insecurity and a desire for acceptance for all involved. Most people eventually realize that intimidating others to feel important is manipulative and immature. Those who have been followers will usually realize it is more important to make their own decisions and be their own person than to be controlled by someone else. We must not give in to peer pressure, whatever the situation. Standing up for what we believe and what the Bible teaches will please God. Throughout history, those who have been unafraid to stand on unpopular beliefs have been the ones to change the world and make things happen. There is so much in this world that we need to change, and so many people who need to be told about Christ. Letting other people decide what we do and how we behave is exactly what Satan hopes we will do; if we never stand up for what is right because of peer pressure, we are actually standing up for what is wrong.”