We congratulate all our wives and mothers today on the occasion of this year’s mothering Sunday. Mothering Sunday is a Christian holiday celebrated throughout the world; and it falls on the 4th Sunday in Lent.
Historically, during the sixteenth century, people returned to their mother church, the main church or Cathedral of the area, for a service to be held on that particular Sunday. Anyone who did this was commonly said to have gone “a-mothering”. In later times, Mothering Sunday became a day when domestic servants were given a day off to visit their mother churches, usually with their own mothers and other family members. It was often the only time that whole families could gather together, since on other days they were prevented by conflicting working hours, and servants were not given free days on other occasions.
Secularly, Mothering Sunday became an occasion for honouring the mothers of children and giving them presents. It is increasingly being called Mothers’ Day, although that has always been a secular event quite different from the original Mothering Sunday.
On this special day, children and young people would pick flowers along the way to place in the Church or give to their mothers. Eventually, the religious tradition evolved into the Mothering Sunday secular tradition of giving gifts to mothers; and in line with this age long tradition, our children have come to appreciate their mothers for always being there for them, and likewise, the fathers are fully out today to publicly appreciate our wives and mothers.
The Book of Proverbs, chapter 31: 10-31 is a catalogue of a virtuous woman, whose her price is far above rubies. However, let us briefly consider other few duties and responsibilities of a noble mother to their children.
Communication: Regardless of how much your child does or doesn’t talk to you, communication is about much more than the number of words that come out of your child’s mouth.
It’s about being actively involved in their affairs. Spend some time listening to your son’s music or sit and play video games with him sometimes. Just realize that knowing what interests your child will give you an insight into him that you never would be able to have otherwise, even if you try to start a conversation with him. Establish this type of communication early so that by the time your son or daughter is a teenager, it would not seem strange that mom is checking out his music or asking to meet her friends.
Date your kids individually. Every child needs to feel important, and one of the best ways to make your children important is to spend time with each of them individually. Sure, family time is important, but make sure that you have some time set aside for each child, and use this time to communicate and learn about their interests.
Be Patient. Raising kids is hard work. Kids are noisy, messy and incredibly demanding. Yes, you will lose your patience once in a while, just like every other mother. But for the most part, try to take a deep breath and see them for the small, helpless people that they are. Even if you are not a patient person by nature, let motherhood teach you to be more patient than you ever thought you could possibly be.
Listen to your children. REALLY listen. This is a tough one for some mothers, but you need to keep trying. We tend to assume that we know more than our kids do, which is true to some extent of course, so we don’t really bother to listen. In addition, we often act as problem-solvers, dishing immediate advice, when all they need is for us to listen to them.
Teach them simplicity. You will do them a big – a HUGE – favour, if you teach them at a young age to avoid associating happiness with the accumulation of material possessions which is in line with our theme and prayer for the year. The younger they are, the more likely they are to listen to you; so start early.
Don’t push them too hard. A good number of us were raised as overachievers, and we can testify from our own experience that overachieving does NOT lead to happiness. Yes, we do want our kids to be successful. We want them to reach their full potential and to be financially secure. But we must try not to push them too hard and to maintain a relatively relaxed approach to success at school and to after-school enrichment activities
Teach them self-esteem. A person with a high self-esteem values himself/herself and will not get into, or stay in an abusive relationship. A person with high self-esteem is more likely to be happy and to reach his/her full potential.
Teach them to be self-reliant. It’s very tempting to help your children in a way that robs them of the opportunity to help themselves. At every developmental stage your child reaches, he/she can do things by herself. If you do everything for her, you are not really helping her, but rather holding her back. Gently teach her independence and let her do what she can do, and what is appropriate for her to do, by herself. The sense of accomplishment that comes with being independent is immensely important for a child. There is something in Penelope Leach’s book which reads: “good parents work themselves out of the picture – slowly”. As much as we like to feel needed, we need to try to let our kids be as independent and self-sufficient as they possibly can.
We would conclude on a lighter mood but with a very deep sense of seriousness. In many homes today, there is unpronounced, but unhealthy rivalry between husbands and kids in their relationships with mummy at home. Without trying to put the entire blame on our women in any way, it is undeniable that some women give more attention to their kids to the detriment of their husbands. It should be very clear to every mother that your husband is your first “baby”, just as you are to him. Hence, he takes precedence. However, a mother of noble character is never a one sided figure. She is a good wife and equally an excellent mother at the same time. The Lord will grant you the wisdom to strike a balance.
Have a very happy, joyful and fulfilling Mothering Sunday and a love-full year with your husband and children!
Historically, during the sixteenth century, people returned to their mother church, the main church or Cathedral of the area, for a service to be held on that particular Sunday. Anyone who did this was commonly said to have gone “a-mothering”. In later times, Mothering Sunday became a day when domestic servants were given a day off to visit their mother churches, usually with their own mothers and other family members. It was often the only time that whole families could gather together, since on other days they were prevented by conflicting working hours, and servants were not given free days on other occasions.
Secularly, Mothering Sunday became an occasion for honouring the mothers of children and giving them presents. It is increasingly being called Mothers’ Day, although that has always been a secular event quite different from the original Mothering Sunday.
On this special day, children and young people would pick flowers along the way to place in the Church or give to their mothers. Eventually, the religious tradition evolved into the Mothering Sunday secular tradition of giving gifts to mothers; and in line with this age long tradition, our children have come to appreciate their mothers for always being there for them, and likewise, the fathers are fully out today to publicly appreciate our wives and mothers.
The Book of Proverbs, chapter 31: 10-31 is a catalogue of a virtuous woman, whose her price is far above rubies. However, let us briefly consider other few duties and responsibilities of a noble mother to their children.
Communication: Regardless of how much your child does or doesn’t talk to you, communication is about much more than the number of words that come out of your child’s mouth.
It’s about being actively involved in their affairs. Spend some time listening to your son’s music or sit and play video games with him sometimes. Just realize that knowing what interests your child will give you an insight into him that you never would be able to have otherwise, even if you try to start a conversation with him. Establish this type of communication early so that by the time your son or daughter is a teenager, it would not seem strange that mom is checking out his music or asking to meet her friends.
Date your kids individually. Every child needs to feel important, and one of the best ways to make your children important is to spend time with each of them individually. Sure, family time is important, but make sure that you have some time set aside for each child, and use this time to communicate and learn about their interests.
Be Patient. Raising kids is hard work. Kids are noisy, messy and incredibly demanding. Yes, you will lose your patience once in a while, just like every other mother. But for the most part, try to take a deep breath and see them for the small, helpless people that they are. Even if you are not a patient person by nature, let motherhood teach you to be more patient than you ever thought you could possibly be.
Listen to your children. REALLY listen. This is a tough one for some mothers, but you need to keep trying. We tend to assume that we know more than our kids do, which is true to some extent of course, so we don’t really bother to listen. In addition, we often act as problem-solvers, dishing immediate advice, when all they need is for us to listen to them.
Teach them simplicity. You will do them a big – a HUGE – favour, if you teach them at a young age to avoid associating happiness with the accumulation of material possessions which is in line with our theme and prayer for the year. The younger they are, the more likely they are to listen to you; so start early.
Don’t push them too hard. A good number of us were raised as overachievers, and we can testify from our own experience that overachieving does NOT lead to happiness. Yes, we do want our kids to be successful. We want them to reach their full potential and to be financially secure. But we must try not to push them too hard and to maintain a relatively relaxed approach to success at school and to after-school enrichment activities
Teach them self-esteem. A person with a high self-esteem values himself/herself and will not get into, or stay in an abusive relationship. A person with high self-esteem is more likely to be happy and to reach his/her full potential.
Teach them to be self-reliant. It’s very tempting to help your children in a way that robs them of the opportunity to help themselves. At every developmental stage your child reaches, he/she can do things by herself. If you do everything for her, you are not really helping her, but rather holding her back. Gently teach her independence and let her do what she can do, and what is appropriate for her to do, by herself. The sense of accomplishment that comes with being independent is immensely important for a child. There is something in Penelope Leach’s book which reads: “good parents work themselves out of the picture – slowly”. As much as we like to feel needed, we need to try to let our kids be as independent and self-sufficient as they possibly can.
We would conclude on a lighter mood but with a very deep sense of seriousness. In many homes today, there is unpronounced, but unhealthy rivalry between husbands and kids in their relationships with mummy at home. Without trying to put the entire blame on our women in any way, it is undeniable that some women give more attention to their kids to the detriment of their husbands. It should be very clear to every mother that your husband is your first “baby”, just as you are to him. Hence, he takes precedence. However, a mother of noble character is never a one sided figure. She is a good wife and equally an excellent mother at the same time. The Lord will grant you the wisdom to strike a balance.
Have a very happy, joyful and fulfilling Mothering Sunday and a love-full year with your husband and children!
Your brother, Vicar & Archdeacon
S. Igein Isemede
S. Igein Isemede